When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
