Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
