so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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