girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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