I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
