you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
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We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
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I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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