I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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