You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
