i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This is my gift to your gina
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
