I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
