I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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