When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
