i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
