I seem to have left my pride at pride
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
