But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
