he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
