there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
