Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
