I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
