I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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