would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
