I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running