Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
