Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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