They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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