If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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