i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Randomize
