Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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