the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
