I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
