Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
