no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
