I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
