ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
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I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
soo... how was my night?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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