thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
