i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
