so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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