SEEEEXXX PLEASE
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
