Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
