Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
