I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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