I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
