Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
