hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
