between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize