Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
