So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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