i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
