talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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