I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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