mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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