paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i am craving dick and cupcakes
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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