Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say đ
I swear to God if you start calling your dick âmy pegasusâ weâre not friends anymore
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
