It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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