ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
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I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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