sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
