it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
