Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
