I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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