Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
