I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
